When Change Happens - Embracing Selfness for Change
We value the whole concept of change. Pollin has spent the last two decades of her life, understanding 'change' to help people achieve lasting transformational changes in their lives.
Listed below are outlines of the fundamental truths that Pollin has discovered about change that is important for you to know.
Change is meant to look and feel like this
- Change happens quickly and effectively when we are ready, willing and able to live in truth. It is unnecessary to even consider dragging it out into weeks, months or years.
- People who have problems, do not need to be fixed. What they need most is to learn to recognise the root of the problem and its purpose for existing. Then the solution of what needs to happen will become clear naturally.
- Know yourself inside out. To succeed, your foundations have to be strong. Take time to get to know the real you. The stronger your roots, the bigger your tree will grow.
- When you change one aspect of yourself, it affects every other aspect in life. Stop trying to control the ship. Allow change to happen from all levels naturally.
- Change matters when it is your own and not someone else's. Check that you are on the right track or you will not appreciate the destination.
- When the fruit is ripe, all you have to do is tap on the branch and it naturally falls onto your palm. Learn to identify the right timing for change and everything will fall into place with little effort. Fruits that mature on the tree is far sweeter than those plucked before its time.
- We can enjoy the journey of life when we address the four main aspects of our psyche (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual). Most people address only one or two of these aspects at a time. Would you try and travel the world on a mono-cycle? when driving a 4WD vehicle gives you more stability, control and traction to navigate through any terrain.
However the majority of people get caught into the trappings of developing and following their desire for change.
The Human Desire for Change
Most people perceive change to be like this. This is not so.
When we ask people in general about themselves and the struggles they have in life, often you will hear them say "When I get over this, then I can finally make a move", "I am willing to work on our relationship as long as he stops doing that", "I want to change but the kids are still too young", "I was abused when I was young, so I need to heal my past before I can be whole again", "I can start working on my career when I know what I want to do" etc.
In the therapy room, most may say "I finally decided that I can't put up with that anymore, that is why I have to change this situation." I have been a victim for so long, I now know that I need to heal the little girl inside of me." and the list goes on.
These are some of the basic perceptions we have about how our situations can improve from the point when change happens. So they focus on the aspect of change that is in the way, ie. 'getting over this', 'changing his behaviour', 'teaching the kids to be independent'. 'healing the past'. 'setting goals' etc.
And hence we believe that 'we' need to start the process of change.
But in effect, this personal responsibility we claim to 'change', traps us into an unconscious running wheel of 'control' instead.
The Beginning of Change
- Spontaneous Change - Happens innately in us. Built in to our operating system as a human being.
- Reactive Change - Happens in reaction to the experience of a trigger (internal or external). Often influenced socially and environmentally.
- Intentional Change - Happens on a consciousness level. Often believed to be absolutely crucial in goal setting. By itself, it has potential but combined with spontaneous change, it becomes powerful.
The fundamental truth is that Change is life's ONE constant thing, therefore there is really no defined beginning of point change because change has already been in the process even before you were aware that you wanted to change something.
So, to get a better understanding of it, it would make more sense to divide change into 3 main categories of change.
Let us use healing as an example. Let us say, we are injured when we fall down and hurt our leg. We get a flesh wound and we know we are bruised or have broken something because we can feel the pain. We proceed to the doctor to receive treatment so that we can get better. And we expect the doctor to 'heal' us with his 'magical' knowledge of the human body.
However, in truth ... we already started healing from the moment after we experienced an injury. If it is a superficial surface cut, by the time you get to see the doctor, a scab may have already formed. Healing happens from the inside. If it is something more major, the body kicks in with coping mechanisms to initially assist with the impact. So, the doctor's role is not to heal anyone.
A doctor has a deep understanding of the human physiology and what an ideal physical state is meant to be. The doctor's role is mainly to help return you to that state as quickly and as safely as possible. Depending on whether you are in shock, bleeding, enduring the pain of a dislocated joint or fighting an infection, you will be treated accordingly.
Change does not only happen when we decide to do something about it. Change does not begin at a specific point in time. We are constantly changing with each breath that we take, with each encounter we have or don't have in life, with every opportunity we are gifted in every moment of our lives. The one thing we have control of is whether we harness change reactively or intentionally.
The moment you began seeking for answers and solutions for the challenges you have been experiencing, is only the beginning of your shift in focus. You were already on your journey into healing, freedom, release, peace, fulfillment and selfness. Your shift in focus puts you on the tracks of intentional change.
However, if we know how to allow ourselves to bridge our intentional focus with our spontaneous abilities then we are in for a pleasant surprise because if we were to dig deep within our consciousness ... it will become very apparent to us that it is not 'change' that we desire. Instead, it is contentment, fulfillment and overall happiness that we seek.
Problems we experience in general stems from our lack of connection to self.
Therapy and our developmental needs
As we develop, our needs change
For many, therapy has been a way of getting help to understand, to learn from and to release past experiences through the act of sharing, gaining insight and understanding of the self, with the focus of moving forward and/or feeling better. This is usually the point when we seek therapeutic intervention.
As we each address life values and relationships on very different levels, many find ourselves realising that something is amiss. Because we may not be aware exactly what is that is missing, some have tried hopping from modality to modality trying to discover the key that could fill the gap within and yet, it still persists. However, with the changes that continue to happen all around us, many have begun to realise that therapy is only one aspect of change. While it is very relevant and important at one stage of our development, there is a need for us to be able to recognise when our needs change.
Standard therapy vs personal transformation
The time has come whereby we each need to be able to connect back to our source ... in freedom and with clarity, to live life as is meant for us and us alone. To let go of the old ways of being and stepping up into our own authenticity. For many, this pull to change is not only noticed in the emotional aspect but also that of the physical, mental and spiritual. Hence, many have found themselves ploughing through the terrain of unexplainable physical pain, sudden onset of psychosis type symptoms, mental blockages or clouding eg confusion, anxiety etc to name a few. People call this Spiritual Emergence, however in layman's terms, the symptoms identified are merely the effects of the psyche saying ... "Enough. I cannot stay in this form anymore. It is too painful for me to remain in denial of myself. I can no longer pretend to fit into the rat race of the social norm. I need to shed this skin and mask that has practically become an extended part of me."
So, it is not unusual or surprising to expect that the process, of shedding our skin and letting go of our habitual reality, would be painful, uncomfortable and confusing as we begin to develop the wings that will ultimately lead us to experience freedom of our beingness.
Once you have had a sufficient dosage of standard therapy, you will most likely shift into a space whereby you recognise that there is more to it than meets the eye and you start to delve deeper into yourself and you realise that true transformation happens from within.
So ... in summary, when one goes through therapy, the focus is on changing. However, when you are ready to transform, then that is where Pollin's expertise comes into play. While it is simple, the process can take many unexpected turns. Pollin is trained and experienced to astutely identify which stage you are in and to assist you to experience your transformation as beautiful and empowering.
It is natural for a caterpillar to transform into a butterfly. Once a butterfly, it can never go back to being a caterpillar. So ... just enjoy the freedom of having wings.