Understanding Selfness
Society, as is known to many of us, views the concept of 'Self' with negative connotations. It associates the 'Self' with powerful terms ie. 'Ego', 'Selfishness', 'Self Centredness' etc and in doing so, misleads us into a false sense of identity. By understanding what non-selfness is, we can come to a better understanding to explain Selfness more thoroughly.
Therefore ... Yes! you will not find the word Selfness in any dictionary because this is a word that I have derived from my years of working with people across diverse backgrounds and it simply means 'Being You'.
Selfness is a natural way of being that each and everyone of us were born with. It is a wholistic way of being that recognises every living being without judgement, in total harmony. This is an innate way of happiness that is every body's birthright however, as we grow up in it eludes the majority of humanity, most of the time.
Our Evolution away from innate Selfness into learnt Non-selfness
We were all born with a healthy dose of Selfness but throughout our lives, each and everyone of us has been conditioned to hold a general perspective of the concept of 'Self' that tries to help us fit best into the limitations of the human world. However it is important to be aware that there is a huge difference between what society or psychology describes our personality to be and who our Selfness really is.
The philosophy of self defines the essential qualities that make one person distinct from all others. [1] The philosophical view refers to the self as the ego 'that knows , remembers, desires, suffers, etc, and therefore it is perceived as the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experiences. [2]
As a child, we develop a sense of who we are, based on the feedback we get from everything around us ... our environment, people and events
That all becomes the foundation upon which we build our identification of our selves. And from that we base the development of our reality and vision of our future.
It affects every aspect of our being ... including how we behave, think and act. As a result, we are began to lose our connection to our personal Selfness and adopted the limiting workings of societal non-self.
When we sit back to notice a toddler playing amongst other children, we may find that she will willingly share her toys with one child and yet not another. For reasons unknown to us, she favours one child and not the other. This is often an innocent and genuine choice arising from within that child's selfness. Ask the child why she chose to share with one child and not the other and she will not be able to explain to you the reasoning behind her innate expression of Selfness. However, it is evident that she will share it with one person and not the other.
As a responsible adult, the parent who herself has been conditioned by society, may coerce her child to share with the other child, often explaining that it is nice to share things and mean not to do so. The idea of Selfishness versus Selflessness is therefore born.
From that point of, the child will progressively be influenced by a lifetime of inner conflict of fitting herself into the ever slippery sliding rule of good and bad.
The two extremes of Non-self: Selfishness and Selflessness
The world favours people who do Selfless acts by awarding them recognition through status symbols like Medals of Bravery, Nobel Peace Prizes, Sainthoods etc. Statues are made in their likeness and charities are built in their name. Their legacy lives on beyond their lifespan.
No matter what the selfless act is ... it is undeniable that most of humankind have learnt how to disapprove of Selfishness and revere Selflessness.
I wonder if one of those names that made its way into your list of Selfless people is Calcutta's dearly departed Mother Teresa.
To many, Mother Teresa still stands as a fine example of someone who was 'Selfless' even almost two decades after her passing. After all ... she has done the ultimate sacrifice ... of herself by dedicating her life to God's children. She sacrificed physical comfort and personal gain to serve others, she offered her time and energy to care for and support the sick and dying. She educated others and prompted people to donate to her cause. She travelled the world, met with people from all walks of life, put herself before others ... with a belief that she was following her calling to do what she came here to do. She is s fine example of someone who was operating in a state of 'Selfness' because she was doing the things she did because it was her being to do so. She would not have been able to be anything or anyone else except her'self'.
The Scale of Self
Selfishness
Selfishness occurs when we make decisions for our own benefit only, at the cost of others losing out.
When someone is acting out of selfishness, there is often fear involved. Fear of self, loss, rejection, ridicule, exposure etc.
Selfishness is often driven by expectations, obligations and emotional or experiential triggers, hence it is a conditioned way of being.
Selfishness is often disapproved of and discouraged in school playgrounds.
However in some instances like in cut throat businesses, this sense of entitlement is a characteristic that is expected and respected.
Its outcome is often of a
Win - Lose nature.
Selfness
When one reclaims one's Selfness, the inner conflict is laid to rest in peace. In a state of Selfness, one is no longer driven by past conditionings or future expectations.
A person who has grasped the concept of Selfness resides in a state of balance, doing what is best in any given situation, for reasons driven by their inner measure of love and compassion. It often lacks judgement or desire outcome.
Someone operating out of selfness is equally accepting and acknowledging, of themselves as well as others.
The boundaries between the self and others become very thin when one is operating out of one's selfness.
Its outcome is often of
Win - Win for all involved.
Selflessness
Selflessness occurs when we do things all for the benefit of others.
Selfless people are often seen as martyrs who go to the extreme of ensuring the comfort and joys of others without thought of themselves.
Often revered for their selflessness, they are set as examples as the model example of a way to follow if we are on a spiritualo journey of enlightenment. However, in essence, this too is a conditioned way of being.
It often has connotations of self denial. Where one may be perceived as humble when in actuality, their selflessness stems from their sense of non-entitlement.
Its outcome is often of a
Lose - Win nature.
Why Today?
The global movement of escalating expressions of discontentment, power struggles and disregard of human life brings us all to a point of responsibility. A point where we each will have to consider the roles we play in enabling this deteriorating global crisis and what we can start to do about it. For a long time now, many have been able to turn a blind eye to the plight but more and more so ... we can no longer look away because all changes affect us, no matter where we are.
The way of Selfness is what the world needs but unfortunately, is not yet what the world has. However, one brick at a time, each person who regains his or her sense of Selfness brings us all closer to a peaceful way of being.
Awakening our Selfness
No matter whether we are aware of the changes or not, more and more people have been pulled into a vortex of personal transformation. For those who are prepared, the experience is more manageable and exciting at times. However for those who are not, the experience can be overwhelmingly daunting and the journey lonely.
Awakening to one's selfness is a journey we all need to take at one point or another. The ease in which one manages to traverses through the terrain depends on many things. Maintaining balance is the key, however that is only one huge summary of a whole host of minor doorways through which we all need to walk through.
This is a time where we need to reach out to others as we walk through this arid space towards true freedom. A place and time where we are free to be ourselves in all ways. A platform where we can shine out ... true to ourselves. However ... the terrain is such that we need to make sure that we keep in tune with our Selfness so that we can continue heading towards a clear destination instead of being distracted by promise of illusions of false oasis.
If you understand all that has been shared here, we invite you come come and join us in our events so that you can rediscover and reclaim your personal Selfness ... and hence be able to stand truly in the role of your destiny.
"My experience with Pollin has been incredible. She has helped me understand my awakening process.
Before her sessions I was in a state of confusion about the things that were going on in my life. After her sessions I felt calmer and reassured that everything I was going through was exactly as it was meant to be. Now I live with the knowledge that the process of awakening is what all of humanity goes through. And realizing what your own process is, is what makes it fun.
Pollin’s wisdom will always be a part of my life. Thank you Pollin."
N.T. (Auckland)